****Warning: House of Cards season 2 spoilers****
It's fairly recent struggle that most women have to face as they grow up: to have kids or to pursue excellence in a career? Now, that statement makes it sound like the two are mutually exclusive, which is not necessarily true. However, numerous articles have been written about how balancing the two is incredibly difficult, such as here and here. I can write from personal experience - my mom is a single mother, who travels for work and is often gone 3-4 days out of the week. There are times when her work schedule and my debate schedule conflict, and we can go weeks without seeing each other. It's hard, and I have vivid memories as child of her missing soccer games and school performances.
It’s undeniable that the traditional American family
has shifted since the 1950s. The wildly popular Modern Family only serves as
proof, along with census data. Women are having children later,
we’re having fewer children, and we’re having them out of wedlock – be that be
as single mothers, in domestic partnerships, or other circumstances. But what
has been consistent is the pressure to still have them. Sure, women might get
some side glances if they have grey hair while toting along a five year old,
but people will still want to know his/her name and squeeze his cheeks.
But what about those women who choose careers? Are
they automatically branded as selfish or unlovable? Too uptight to get married
or to settle down? Another modern tv show, Netflix’s House of cards, exposed
the criticism women face. It shows the female lead, Claire Underwood, being forced repeatedly [watch the video in the link] to justify her and her husband’s decision to not have kids.
The reporter wouldn’t take the answer most women give, that Claire wanted to
devote her life to public service and didn’t feel like she could split her time
effectively (the classic decision to choose career over kids), as sufficient or
worthy. She goes on to press Claire if her relationship with her husband was
real, or if she’s infertile. It was truly uncomfortable to watch.
There is a real stigma against women who don’t have
children, even though it’s becoming more and more common. 1 in 5 American women
in their early forties don’t have kids [link]. At 17, that worries me. I can’t
begin to imagine being married within 5 or 6 years, yet alone having children.
Many of my friends feel the same. I’ve planned more about my future when it
comes to college, grad school, my career path and where I want to live than I
have about what color my bridesmaids will wear or what to name my firstborn.
Does this make me defective? Some will probably tell me yes.
There’s also a stigma against women who choose to
try and do both, as proven by the 2012 controversy over Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer when she was pregnant. So, where does
that leave women with aspirations other than motherhood? Dealing with, as Helen
Mirren said, ‘boring old men.’
Cia♀,
Charlie
Cia♀,
Charlie
Hey Charlie! That's a very interesting post. I very much agree with you about the pressure of having children and building a family as being far greater for women than building a career. Of course, there are some girls whose dreams are to marry and have children. My best friend wants to marry and have kids early in her life. However, there are others, like you, who would rather build a career and get ahead professionally. There is nothing wrong with either option as long as it makes the person happy. I'm also really annoyed by the argument that if a woman chooses not to have kids, then she is "selfish." I don't see how that's selfish since her kids don't even exist yet so it's not like she's denying anyone of their happiness. Keep up the good work!
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